(friends of mine, don’t get upset by this)
i wish i had a really close girlfriend (or guy friend). one like from back home…like Susie. When i was with her for a weekend i remember what it felt like to confide in someone about anything and everything and have her understand it. no judgments, just consolation and hugging, understanding and laughing. i need that…i think i need that more than ever right now. i feel so lost and confused with everything. my past actions do not reflect who i am at all. who am i? why the fuck did i do those things? who the hell did i let myself become?
i need someone really really really close to me. yes, i have those who are close to me (liz and vernice) but i can’t tell the two of you everything (and you both know why…liz, i am using my filter more (or trying to at least)). marlo is close too, but she’s all the way across oceans and time zones make communicating rubbish and super hard.
this is probably why i wanted to go back up north today…i was looking for something to keep me grounded to the real me; searching for that broken bond.