"He loved his wife with his whole heart, in that desperate way of a man who never quite believes he deserves the love of the woman he can’t live without."
Lisa Tucker, “The Promised World”
#the promised world
"And somewhere in the middle of it all, I stopped worrying about sucking in my stomach, or if he could see me in the half-light of the moon, and instead noticed how seamlessly we fit together; how when I let go of me, there was only room for us."
Jodi Picoult, Change of Heart
#change of heart
i want you to touch me with all the passion that you did the first time.
i want you to kiss me with all your might and hold nothing back.
i want to feel how nervous and excited we both were on the roof last november.
i want us to feel more alive again.
will you run away from here with me so we can be just a little bit more free?
i want to feel you pressed against my skin so hard it’s like we aren’t two bodies at all.
i want you to let out all the hurt from your past, your frustration from now, and your anxiety about the future into me. i want to feel it all.
make me feel what you feel. make me see what you see.
make love to me like you’ve never done before.
letter to never be sent.
#letter to never be sent
Sitting at a coffee shop, I can’t help but think of all the things I want to experience with you. I honestly hate the way you consume my mind I see things or hear a song and there you are, inside my head. I often find myself daydreaming about you and when you return, or about how different things might be if you were still here (but realistically we wouldn’t have the same special relationship if you were here). I’m trying to just go with the flow; whatever happens, happens and similarly whatever doesn’t happen, doesn’t happen. But being a girl, not fantasizing is rather hard (and my friends and sister are of absolutely no help.
I try to not count the days but I can’t help it. Now that August is drawing near I think about you more and more—the image of you rarely leaves my mind. Sometimes I feel like you’re with me, but other times I have my doubts; then I receive a letter and I’m all smiles again. I don’t think I can even explain to you how much they mean to me. It is always the best part of my day. This is embarassing, but sometimes I reread your letters before I go to sleep so it’s like you’re right there with me.
I want to fall asleep in your arms and wake up with you lying right beside me. It’s like a Diamond Rio song; I’m always wishing I had one more day to spend with you, but that would leave me in the same spot—wanting more. A month ago today we said our farewells. Although this month has seemed to pass by quickly, it feels like an eternity since I’ve seen you.
I miss you.
p.s. I’m pretty sure I love you.
[written on 25.7.2011]